It’s been quite some time since I’ve given out my highly distinguished Cow Shit Award. The thing is that I haven’t been inspired by any one act of naughtiness until this morning. I simply woke up with this story blazed into my mind. I’m going to let it unfold quickly since I’m going on a field trip today. What, did you ask me if I’m riding the bus? No, that makes me barf! Sorry, didn’t mean to deviate…
Cow Shit Corner Award #4
Oh airplanes…. I’ve sat next to a lot of really great people on a plane. Haven’t you? But every once in a while you find yourself next to somebody that you really don’t want to sit by. I’m mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m flexible. I was good natured when I sat next to the woman who took up half my seat on the way back from Arizona. Seriously, it’s not her fault the seats where built for seventy five pound Asian women. But, I’ve on my trip to Mexico I came into direct contact with a real travel winner, a traveller of distinction, my new Cow Shit Corner Award recipient.
So, after being pulled off one plane and moved to another (Way nice of US Air! Kiss, kiss) and it took me two minutes to notice the situation. First, let me describe this man sitting by me. Yes, everything about him was layered in sweat. It glistened on his meaty lips. It pooled in his armpits. But what really struck me about this man was the plastic cup in his hand. He clutched it like a baby clutches a blankie, like his life depended on it! Then, to my horror he pulled it to his lips and spewed an offensive black goo into it.
That’s right he spewed: chaw, dip, smokeless tobacco, grizzly, skoal, baccer, spit, quid!
Right there on the plane. Spit… Spit… Spit….
But, it get’s worse. Once we were in the air, he pulled down a nasty baseball hat and fell asleep. His snores permeated my earphones. I thought he was going to have a heart attack. The chew, we’d have to fish it out for mouth to mouth. Oh, that’s so gross.
Then, the plastic cup starting tilting my way….
Yes, kind sir, you are the true winner of the fourth Cow Shit Corner Award ever! You’re plane nastiness is epic. Shame on you.
